If you tend to be quiet and reserved and enjoy spending time alone or with only a few people at once, you might consider yourself an introvert. After all, an introvert is often described as someone who silently reflects, avoids over-stimulating situations, and prefers to observe their environment rather than be the center of attention.
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with having introverted tendencies, it can sometimes be challenging when it comes to dating as an introvert. For starters, dating requires putting yourself out there and getting to know people, which can seem utterly exhausting to someone who would much rather spend a quiet evening at home. And for someone who may feel a little shy or uncomfortable about striking up conversations with strangers or going to loud and crowded places, finding a match can sometimes feel like an uphill battle.
However, the good news is that not all hope is lost if you’re dating as an introvert! Plenty of fellow introverts have navigated the dating scene and found their perfect match—and so can you.
In our guide on how to date as an introvert, we’ve rounded up our favorite dating tips for introverts. Follow along to find ways to date and meet new people without straying too far from your comfort zone.
1. Go Places Where You Feel Most Comfortable
If the mere thought of spending time at a noisy, crowded bar makes you feel like you’re going to break out in hives, then find other date spots that make you feel more at ease.
For example, that might mean your neighborhood coffee shop, a local park, or your favorite museum. Not only are these prime spots to bring a date, but they’re also great settings for potentially meeting someone new.
When you’re in an environment where you feel comfortable and at ease, you’ll have an easier time being yourself and making conversation with others. Not to mention, you’re more likely to meet someone with common interests (or even a fellow introvert!) at your favorite low-key spots.
2. Don’t Drain Your Battery
One of the biggest differences between an introvert and an extrovert is that social activities tend to drain an introvert’s battery but recharge an extrovert’s battery. In other words, extroverts often get energized after socializing, while introverts tend to feel exhausted by it and need alone time afterward.
Because of this, it’s best to plan short dates where you can have an easy escape if you feel yourself needing to recharge.
For example, instead of planning a date where you go on a morning hike, followed by brunch and then a matinee movie, maybe just stick with the hike or brunch for now.
And in the same vein, don’t plan multiple dates with different people on the same day because you might not have the social stamina to see through. It would be a bummer to show up to your second (or third) date of the day without any energy left to be engaging or even hold a conversation.
3. Don’t Spend Too Much Time Virtually Communicating
If you’re going the online dating route, don’t let your potential matches turn into pen pals.
We get that it feels safe and comfortable texting away from the comfort of your own home, but you really do need to meet your matches in person to see if you share chemistry. After all, wouldn’t it be a shame to communicate with someone for months on end only to realize you don’t click when you finally go on a date? Instead, cut to the chase and save yourselves both some time and energy by planning an in-person date sooner rather than later.
4. Go on Activity Dates
Our next dating tip for introverts involves planning activity dates where you have something to do during your date. Instead of resorting to standard settings, like loud bars and noisy parties, go for a walk in a park, hike around a lake, or play a round of miniature golf on your next date.
When it comes to introvert dating, the key is to find a place that doesn’t make you feel pressured to talk the entire time. It’s best to go somewhere that offers welcome distractions while still giving you the opportunity to get to know each other. For example, if you’re playing mini golf, you might break up the conversation by celebrating a hole-in-one, giggling over a missed shot, or pausing to marvel at the windmill mini golf feature.
5. Work on Your Confidence
We know the concept of introverts gaining confidence is probably something you’re tired of hearing, but confidence really does play a role in the dating world. And if you don’t have confidence, it’s something you’re going to have to fake until you find it within yourself.
Think about it; you have so much to bring to the table. You’re smart, witty, caring, and insanely funny, but no one is going to get to appreciate that about you if you come off as timid and unsure of yourself. Being confident (or at least feigning it) doesn’t have to mean being the life of the party or changing your personality.
In fact, if you’re dating as an introvert, your concept of confidence might be completely different than someone else’s. For you, it might mean getting up the courage to ask someone out, but to someone else, confidence might involve pushing themselves to leave their house and go on a date.
6. Come Prepared with Questions
Introvert dating can be tricky when it comes to carrying on a conversation with someone you just met. To feel more prepared, consider jotting down some questions to ask your date in case the conversation lulls.
Think about open-ended questions that will encourage a discussion or lead to follow-up questions. Your questions could run the gamut, from asking them to describe what they’re looking for in a relationship to inquiring about their favorite vacation spot. While you’ll want to avoid bombarding them with questions, having some in your back pocket may help you feel more confident and in control going into the date.
7. Consider Hiring a Matchmaker
For introverts, finding someone may feel daunting and exhausting, but you don’t have to go at it alone. In fact, when you turn to a matchmaking service, you’ll have someone in your corner cheering you on and helping you find your match.
You see, a professional matchmaker takes all the guesswork out of the searching process (which, let’s face, it can be a full-time job). They get to know you and then hand-select potential matches for you, so you don’t have to go out and meet people in public, which can be especially daunting for introverts like you. Think of your matchmaker like your best friend who happens to be really good at giving dating advice and has access to millions of single people looking for someone like you!
8. Don’t Overdo It
If you’re dating as an introvert, we’re not suggesting you turn yourself into an extrovert. The world has plenty of extroverts, and you’re perfect the way you are!
These dating tips for introverts are simply meant to help you expand your horizons and welcome new opportunities. That said, your mental health and happiness are the most important things, so don’t push yourself too hard or overdo it when it comes to finding a match. And if you feel like you’re experiencing dating fatigue, take a break and give yourself room to rest and recharge.