It’s a new year, and you are feeling bright with resolution – especially when it comes to partnership. It’s the perfect time to manifest that 2023 will be the year you find your forever person. But, how to find a good man? The very concept of “a good man” is the textbook definition of subjective. Your ideal prince charming might be the polar opposite from the person sitting next to you on the subway. So, how to find your good man? Let’s talk about some conversations to have with yourself as you dive into 2023.
1. Ask Yourself: What Are My Relationship Goals?
Maybe you are looking for someone with a good job, a dog, and a penchant for good champagne (just spitballing). Don’t forget to check, though, if his goals for the future also match yours. You can have fantastic chemistry with a new beau, share inside jokes, and political views. But if he’s looking forward to being a dad of three in a two-story craftsman, and you plan to become the childfree-by-choice Queen of Manhattan, we have a problem. It’s a matter of time before something will have to give – either you, him or your partnership. Shared goals is a huge predictor of a happy relationship.
2. Don’t Assume What Someone Else Has is What You Want
Knowing what you want your future to look like isn’t easy for everyone; we are inundated with new lifestyle options every day. It can genuinely be hard to hear your inner voice through trying to keep up with the Joneses. However, it’s worth spending some time chatting with friends, journaling or meditating on what your goals for your future relationship are. This work can be hard, but also incredibly rewarding. Your future self will thank you. And so will your future good man.
3. Embrace Your Communication Cadence, And Discover His
To the tune of self-discovery, knowing how you communicate, and how you want your partner to communicate with you, is a huge first step in how to find a good man. For example, are you someone who needs a significant amount of alone time to recharge and feel your best? You probably don’t want to date someone who gets resentful if they can’t text you once a day. Asking about where your date falls on the introvert/extrovert can be fun first date conversation, as well.
4. Find Your Love Language
Pioneered by author and radio talk show host Gary Chapman, the love languages are a shorthand for talking about how you communicate and receive feelings of love. While not a perfect system, if you’re looking at how to find a good man, it’s a worthwhile method of self-discovery. A person who tends to show affection only through physical touch, for example, might feel constantly rejected by someone whose primary love language is words of affirmation. Like ships in the night, they will miss each other’s signals of affection.
5. Don’t Get Dragged Down by Past Relationships
If you’re asking how to find a good man, one of the first steps might be a little optimism. Walk into each date assuming the best, both about you and him. Nothing drags a first date down like someone already expecting you to disappoint them or complaining about your ex. We’ve all heard that we can get trapped dating the same person over and over again. But if you’ve taken the time to learn what you want, give yourself the benefit of the doubt that you’re not in this cycle. We can’t change the past, only the future. Don’t let the clouds of yesterday get rain on today.
6. If You Opt for Online Dating, Don’t Forget to Actually Describe Yourself
It’s 2023. Online dating, once reserved only for the supremely brave, is the new norm. If you’re on dating sites, don’t fall into the trap of only posting (and judging people based on) photos, unless you’re only looking for a quick fling. Be sure to reach out to people who have taken the time to actually express themselves using their words. And ensure they can catch your vibe by providing information about yourself too. Writing a dating profile can be tricky (how to be honest, modest, and charming all at once?) Friends can help you describe yourself in a way that’s honest, polite, and delightful. Pop a bottle and make an evening of it with your closest friends.
7. Re-Consider Where You Think You’ll Meet Him
If you’re a seasoned online dater, then you know that even at the best of times, apps are fraught with catfishing, missed connections, and confusing signals. Plenty of good men shy away from using dating sites for this very reason. Consider attending more in-person events or joining a community sports team or volunteer organization for low-pressure encounters. If you’re like a lot of Tawkify clients, you might not have time for all this. But the idea of online dating also has you reaching for migraine meds. That is the perk of our kind of service; we excel at pairing people who want to date smarter, not more. But the bottom line is whatever paths you’ve tried so far, consider broadening your horizons. You might surprise yourself.
8. Don’t Waste Your Time on Duds
You’ve taken the time to learn about what you want, how you communicate, and are ready to try some new avenues of meeting people. For some, now the biggest hurdle appears: sticking to your guns. You know that friend? The one who has a list of excuses for why her new guy isn’t at all what she spent the last five months telling you she wanted? While there’s nothing wrong with a steamy fling – and dating a touch outside our comfort zone is sometimes how we learn the most about ourselves – don’t waste your time on bad men. That’s just more time you’re not spending with a good one.
9. Don’t Make Excuses for A Bad Date
If we’re talking about how to find a good man, let’s also define one: a man you don’t have to make excuses for. We’re not talking about lending grace for the occasional bad day. If conversation is important to you, and he can’t carry on a conversation after multiple tries, move on. If he makes a plan, then cancels without an offer to reschedule, resist the urge to insert an excuse into his silence. Sometimes, we can get so wrapped up in a crush, we can miss the contrary signals they are sending us in the here and now. We’ve all been there – oxytocin is a hell of a drug. But, remember: “if he wanted to, he would.” Ensure you’re not compromising what you want for the sake of being polite or sparing anyone’s feelings – including your own.
Classic Sufi poet Rumi wrote, “that which you seek is seeking you.” If you ask anyone how to find a good man, they will give you different advice, based on their experience. But ultimately it comes down to patience. Dating can be tough, but also exciting. Trust that your next partner is seeking you, as much as you are seeking him. Inevitably, you two will collide. Stick with it, and it’s all just a matter of time.