Tawkify Favorites

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email
Share on print

Ask Renée: I’m Just Not Meeting People

Q: “My problem is not that I don’t encounter attractive people or individuals that catch my attention. My problem is that I’m shy and I don’t really know how to approach people I don’t know. Any suggestions?”---Katy R.

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email
Share on print


Artwork by Marina Molares

Artwork by Marina Molares

Renée is our incognito “Dear Abby,” if you will. Veteran marriage counselor and published author, Renée gets to the heart of it without prevarication. Enjoy this week’s truism on Ask Renée…

Q: “My problem is not that I don’t encounter attractive people or individuals that catch my attention. My issue is I’m shy and I don’t know how to approach people I don’t know. Any suggestions?” –Katy R.

Hi Katy,

Thanks for reaching out. First, let me say that being shy is not a “problem”. It’s just a part of who you are–and not to psychoanalyze, but I’m willing to bet that you thinking it’s a problem is a part of what’s immobilizing you.

A shy disposition is sweet and gentle. We’re all apart of a patch-work quilt–and not everyone who is brash and aggressive is found attractive by everyone else. Although inside you might feel a little apprehensive or insecure, shyness often translates as calm and easygoing.

So, don’t play your shyness down. Play it up instead. When someone catches your attention, don’t worry so much about what you’re going to say. Instead, just make eye contact. Remember, 80 percent of communication, especially effective communication, is expressed with body language and energy. If someone is interested too, they’re going to notice you looking at them. The awesome thing about this approach is you don’t have to go through the feelings of rejection in the same way those who approach people do because…

If someone doesn’t want to engage, you can play it off and move on.

Just make sure that when you look at them, you smile. It doesn’t have to be all “tops and bottoms” of your teeth. Just enough to let them know that you’re looking in their direction deliberately.

And in the meantime, always keep in mind that you are deserving of someone approaching you, gazing at you, flirting with you. When the time is right—and if the person is truly interested in getting to know you…there will be no wondering.

Truthfully, 

Renée

Subscribe to
our newsletter


    Popular Posts

    5 Ways to Win An Argument In A Relationship

    It’s happened– your Springtime in Paris new relationship has hit a significant bump in the road. You’re feeling the urge to say something 180 degrees from “you’re just so perfect and amazing” to your new love interest. Congratulations– this is your first opportunity for a growth power-up!

    Quell the impulse to text “We need to talk.” If you’ve already typed it in, with your thumb hovering above “send,” aim for “delete” instead. No one wants to read that; no one wants to be forewarned of impending doom unless they’re watching a movie. You’ll only succeed in spurring the imminent arsenal of defense…

    Read More

    GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU AM: “Love Again” by Run The Jewels

    The other week, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a new father – we’ll call him Cronus – and we were talking about parental instinct. He lowered his voice conspiratorially, considered the infant in his lap and said, “Sometimes I love my baby so much that I want to eat him. Is that normal?” 

    Turns out, it’s not just normal–it’s science! Olfactory chemical signals–the smells of newborn babies have been linked to dopamine spikes in the brains of new mothers, essentially triggering the same neurological reward circuit activated when a very hungry person eats, or when a heroin addict shoots up…

    Read More

    5 Ways to Avoid the Cliff of Contemporary Dating

    I have a friend who dates online… a lot. You could say she’s popular. She gets out again and again because she’s fabulous–which is obvious, even through a screen. Yet she arrives each time preloaded with every personal detail about her date–their hometown, full legal name, and family history–often even their annual income and whether or not they rent or own. IT IS RIDICULOUS. The internet is a fantastic tool for writing a thesis, but should it be used to compose a 15-page, pre-introduction memoir on a potential romantic interest’s life story?…

    Read More