Dating Instruction Roundup X

Who says you can't be friends with someone you're attracted to - you can. And who says you have to have sex with everyone you're attracted to - you shouldn't...


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Volume X of the Dating Instruction Roundup is here! What pieces of wisdom will this month bring?

Look to these snapshots for quick, no nonsense tips that get right to the heart of the matter…a dating instruction roundup, if you will. 

Enjoy these short, sage snippets of input and encouragement on us…

Can men and women be purely platonic friends, even though there’s the possibility of sex involved?

Who says you can’t be friends with someone you’re attracted to – you can. And who says you have to have sex with everyone you’re attracted to – you shouldn’t.

The “possibility” of sexual connection in some form is always there, all around us, every day as human, sexual beings and is probably at least a microscopically small element of our “attractions” to various people – including our friends of either gender. But, that undercurrent of attraction is just one facet of the interpersonal dynamic unique to any friendship. 

The “possibility” of sex need not preclude true friendship between attracted buddies, therefore. In a perfectly Zen way, it’s good to look at it, acknowledge that it’s there – that it’s part of the experience of the friendship – and then let it go. You can either “go there” and change the nature of the friendship, or not. Perseverating on the attraction, on the other hand, is to let it overshadow everything else connecting two people who both choose to remain friends. (5/10/2016, Matchmaker Says: Does Attraction Trump Friendship?)

There’s another type of virtual eyewear that many of us spend even more time donning — one that has the opposite effect of beer goggles. Call them “expectancy spectacles” if you’d like…

In the mate-seeking problem, the analogous strategy is to not be distracted by good looks or superficial factors like current wealth, height, or sexiness. The people who have all those things are in great demand, know it, and are less likely to pick you for partnership. Meanwhile, the shy, short guy with the entrepreneurial spirit and drive will someday be wealthy, the plain and unfashionably dressed girl with smarts may blossom into a glamourous woman as she makes it out in the world and has the time and money to work on appearance.

When you are thinking long-term, think like an investor — go after the future great partner, not the ones who satisfy all your shallow “must haves.” Love and commitment make high achievers out of good partners, and young people who are loyal and reliable can build each other up and create that successful life the Fairy Tale talks about; but it doesn’t just happen, you have to work for it and believe in your partner. Look for someone you can trust and believe in. (6/3/2016, Matchmaker Says: How To Be Single)

Date ideas for the bold and original…

Cook at home. Together.

Cooking together is fantastic for creating a bond with another person. Homemade meals are also proven to be healthier than most restaurant meals. I’m not suggesting you bring a stranger into your home for a first date – though you certainly can do that if you like. Instead, book a cooking class for two at your local Sur La Table.  Get messy, chop things up, talk, laugh and eat a meal together in an unconventional fashion while learning about culinary history – and each other. This kind of date definitely gets the matchmaker stamp of approval. 

Find a new hobby. 

While getting to know the person you’re dating is of the utmost importance – why not also date in a way that is self exploratory? Have you wanted to pick up painting, hiking, or glass blowing? Fantastic- do it. Better yet, plan a date where you can paint each other! Attend an art class together, learn how to shape pottery as a team, hike that mountain outside of the city you’ve been meaning to. This is a wonderful way to date! Not only because it’s fun but also because we ALL HAVE LIMITED TIME and it’s hard to carve out those precious hours to date. Instead of spending another Saturday locked indoors at a bar on a first date, go do something you have been itching to do anyway. It will be much more memorable for all involved. 

Pitch a tent (indoors). 

You can also pitch a tent outside, but if it’s a bit chilly or you’re not the fondest of the critters that roam in the nighttime hours, you can always make a fort indoors too. I realize this is a bit zany, but love is zany so have some fun! String twinkly lights, turn up your favorite playlist, order in from your go-to take away spot. This is an incredibly romantic date that will surprise and delight – but, in my opinion, this is best for a third, fourth, fifth date, etc…. For tips on how to build your own tent, click here.

Read the rest of this article: (1/17/2017, Dating Tangentials)

See you next month on Volume 11’s dating instruction roundup!

Love wisely, 

Valerie 

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