“Failure is the condiment that makes success taste so good.” –Truman Capote
Capote’s words speak to many aspects of life–but I quote him today as we take a closer look at the art of not knowing in relation to dating and finding love.
We all want love. There is a gap between our expectations, fears, belief in our own lovability, and being capable of receiving what we want most. What if we change our perspectives? What if we are able to recognize what matters most to us through the experience of failed dates? When we do not get what we want, we move closer to understanding what it is we really need.
It is impossible to have a clear understanding of your wants, without also understanding what we do not want. You must have both experiences. What if we lived in a world that valued both failure and success in dating equally? We would have a lot more fun along the way! What if we could celebrate the reality that we do not have complete control over attaining our relationship goals within a desired timeline? Our dating experience would certainly be more productive!
When we shame ourselves, we cripple ourselves.
I invite you to consider that there are no mistakes in dating–that failure is equally valuable to success. We have to lose sometimes in order to win. Every experience is preparation for what is around the corner, a step onto the next stone across the lake of your life. Maybe even jump into the water for a bit or paddle a boat around your stepping stones – who knows! That’s the point.
Embody what you want. Be the very incarnation of the person you want to be with. Let go and enjoy the ride.
Should you practice the art of not knowing? Have you found yourself expressing any of the following thoughts? If so, this is a call for you to practice the art of not knowing through your dating experience…
“Why did my matchmaker send me on this date?”
“Why am I still single?”
“Why is everyone I’m dating unacceptable and ‘not good enough’ in some way?”
“How come it’s harder for me then anyone else on planet Earth to find the right relationship?”
Instead of dissecting oneself, try on a new consideration instead, such as:
“What would I be experiencing inside myself, inside my heart, if my life were good enough for me? If this person across from me was good enough, if I were good enough, what would that feel like? Would I be any different?”
You would not be different. If suddenly all your relationship goals were realized, you would still be you–and you would still be good enough.
Through the art of not knowing we find that self-love is the beginning of all external love.
So focus on you! Enjoy this Personal Ritual suggestion from your Love Sherpa:
Plan a personal day of “enough-ness” before your next date. Create the feeling of enough-ness all day. Have an ideal day, a date with yourself. Get yourself flowers, or whatever you really, really wish someone else would do for you. Write a love letter about all the great things you bring to a relationship, and then go be that person, all day, unto yourself. Notice what changes and let me know.
Love Sherpa and author of Personal Rituals on Heartalytics.