Everyone has some type of insecurity, whether it’s about a job, appearance, finances, and so on. A little bit of insecurity is normal, but when is it cause for concern in a relationship?
It’s important to know what type of red flags to look out for when you’re dating someone. If you’re wondering if your girlfriend’s actions are normal or not, it’s probably time to discover the signs of an insecure woman so that you know how to respond appropriately and create a healthier partnership.
Here are the 9 signs of insecure women and tips on how to handle each one in your relationship.
She Pries About Your Past Relationships
There’s nothing wrong with asking about dating history; in fact, it can lead to fruitful conversations about expectations, lessons learned, and more. But if your girlfriend brings up your ex or exes frequently, it might be a sign that she’s insecure. She might even be flaunting her ego, saying things like “I would never do . . .” or “I can’t believe she . . .). But chances are that she is afraid of how she stacks up against your past girlfriends.
Constantly being asked to delve into your past, after already having moved on from your ex, can keep you both from moving forward and focusing on your own relationship.
Matchmaker tip: People have a tendency to compare themselves in any situation, but especially with a partner’s ex. This can lead to insecurity in your girlfriend, as she potentially questions how she holds up to the light of an old flame. Try to reassure her that you’re with her—and not your ex—for a reason and that you’re ready to let go of the past.
She Continually Checks In
Do you receive texts that say “Where are you?” “What time are you coming home?” or “Who are you with?” at all hours of the day? An insecure girlfriend might constantly check in due to jealousy, distrust, or even codependency, which can rightfully lead to your own frustration.
Matchmaker tip: Try to understand where she’s coming from and why she checks in constantly. Get to the heart of the matter, so you can both work on creating healthy boundaries. Maybe she acts this way due to past relationship trauma or a childhood experience. Let her know that she can trust you (and follow through with this promise). If it continues to be a problem, it might be worth a larger conversation about how the relationship can succeed.
She Constantly Seeks Validation
Seeking validation from a partner is completely normal—reassurance on both sides can help you feel like you’re on the same page. But when it becomes excessive, it can be cause for concern. Insecure women might ask for a steady stream of reassurance, whether regarding looks, their actions, or your love. This might come from a lack of confidence or not feeling good enough.
Matchmaker tip: Constantly being asked to validate your girlfriend can be exhausting, but it’s also an opportunity to build her up. Let her know that you want her to feel good about herself, to feel worthy of your love on her own, so that she can learn to reassure herself.
She Doesn’t Make Plans Without You
You love being with your partner, but you’ve noticed that she doesn’t make plans unless you can go, too. She even puts off her friends, preferring to spend her free time with you. Now, this isn’t necessarily a sign of an insecure girlfriend (especially at the beginning of a relationship when the excitement of being together is high), but if it becomes a pattern, it might be a red flag.
Matchmaker tip: Let your girlfriend know that you’d like some time to yourself and that you want her to keep up her friendships. Strong, empowered women need to be supported by other strong women, so remind her that these friendships are crucial.
And She Gets Upset When You Socialize Without Her
We all get a little FOMO sometimes, but your girlfriend’s pouting or guilt-tripping when you have other plans isn’t healthy. In fact, it can even be a sign of manipulation, a red flag of an insecure woman.
Matchmaker tip: Every couple needs separation at times to pursue their individual passions, connect with friends, and so on. Support your girlfriend’s individual plans so that she feels comfortable supporting yours. If this isn’t mutual, it can lead to feelings of suffocation in the relationship.
She Doesn’t Accept Responsibility
If she thinks she’s always right, then something’s wrong. A major sign of insecure women and insecure men alike is the inability to accept responsibility. If your girlfriend can’t seem to say sorry, or even hint at making a mistake, navigating future arguments might be difficult.
Matchmaker tip: Not accepting responsibility could be a tactic to push you away or avoid vulnerability, but it could also be a sign of a lack of humility. Try to dig deeper and create a safe space for her to let her guard down. If it seems that her ego is getting in the way of meaningful apologies, this might not be the healthy relationship that you’re looking for.
She’s Not Supportive
This can look different depending on the situation, but not supporting your passions or not being empathetic when things go wrong means that she might have trouble accepting you for who you are or where you are in their life. Does she criticize your job? Does she put you down in front of others? Perhaps she’s not there for you when you need emotional support (or even makes you feel bad for showing emotions). These are all signs of an insecure woman. Putting you down boosts her up.
Matchmaker tip: It’s important for you to feel good about yourself when you’re with your significant other. If you honestly can’t say that your partner helps you feel your best, then you might need to take a step back and assess the relationship.
She Talks Negatively About Herself
If your girlfriend is constantly nagging on herself or overly critical (whether regarding looks, personality, or actions), something larger might be at play. Negative self-talk is a sign of low self-esteem and can be detrimental to both partners’ mental health. You might also begin to think these negative things about yourself.
Matchmaker tip: Negative self-talk is not healthy. Try to nip it in the bud by reassuring your girlfriend of her positive qualities, that she doesn’t need to be so hard on herself. But remember that it’s not your job only. She needs to boost her self-esteem independently, too.
She Always Apologizing
Does your girlfriend say sorry too much, apologizing for things that, in your opinion, really don’t need an apology? Perhaps you’re tired of constantly having to tell her it’s okay. In this case, maybe society is to blame.
Many studies show that women, more than men, apologize. These studies point to the idea that men simply have higher thresholds for what they deem offensive behavior. Meanwhile, women might also be taught from a young age to be more empathetic toward how people perceive their behaviors.
Matchmaker tip: How to break this cycle of insecure women who feel the need to constantly apologize? Let your partner know just how often they say sorry so that she’s aware of it. Help her identify why she is saying sorry and when an apology is actually needed. This will empower her to be more confident and less “getting in the good graces” of others.
By now, you’re motivated to look out for potential signs of insecure women to create a healthier relationship with your partner, one that’s founded on mutual respect, support, trust, and, of course, love. But if you ever feel like one of these is missing, it might be time to move on.