Ask Aly: “There must be something wrong with me.”

Jace asks: “I’m beginning to think I’m not cut out for this. All of my friends are married. It’s definitely ‘time,’ (I’m 35), but my dating efforts don’t lead to anything serious. Is there something wrong with me?”

We all have a tendency to believe things that aren’t entirely true, and a defeatist attitude may be a primary reason you have not yet found your person.

“Why can’t I meet someone?”

“There must be something wrong with me!”

These are the most common sentiments I hear from clients and friends when things go wrong in love. It’s time to burst that bubble forever!

I know this is easier said than done, especially when it feels like dating is predictably unpredictable.

But, it’s not a matter of if bad things will happen, it’s a matter of when. If staying motivated in the quest for love is a struggle, consider applying one (or all) of these tips to start dating with joy and optimism:

1. Build a Positivity Circuit.

   Spend one minute identifying 3 – 5 positive things a day. Use an online program like iCloud or Evernote, or opt for a physical notebook to document your progress.

   Gratitude not only helps us feel more confident, but it’s scientifically-proven to help us win new relationships. Try it!

2. Create your ‘Why’.

   Make a list of what you do and don’t want in a relationship. This helps you prepare questions and focus your interactions. Use these questions as a litmus test while courting, and seek only those who satisfy your ‘why’.

   For more on ‘defining your dating cause,’ check out Revitalize Your Desire to Date In 3 Steps.

3. Read the Law of Attraction.

   It’s a life-transforming philosophy that explains why and how we get what we put-out in this world.

4. Explore new introductions.

   That professional group you’ve been avoiding like the plague is a self-organized ‘home’ waiting for you. Here, you can practice your hot new relational skills and meet like-minds. It’s not always who is there, but who those people know.

5. Chart a path to forgiveness.

   Think about what has hurt your heart in the past and be intentional about forgiveness — one person; one day at a time.

   Forgiveness creates hope that the past could be different.

   Until you fully heal, your past dating wounds will fester, clouding your judgment and obstructing your growth.

6. Take a self-care day.

   Take a guilt-free day off to take care of number 1: you. Eat a healthy breakfast, get your endorphins flowing, and do what you heart calls to — a bath, a new hobby, or just some good old silence. Cap it off with a good night’s rest and you’ve got yourself a Kindness Kocktail!

7. Simply refuse to give up.

   Understand that dating isn’t about striving for perfection.

   It’s about showing up and giving it your all. When you bring that effort to every date, true love has the space to fall into place.

8. Smile. It’s magic.

Don’t give up, Jace!

Alyssa Bunn
Professional Matchmaker at Tawkify and Founder of Love & Co.