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Secrets Of A Matchmaker: Secret #10

Art:Luncheon of the Boating Party,Pierre-Auguste Renoir

Art: Luncheon of the Boating Party, Pierre-Auguste Renoir

If you’re new to Heartalytics — Matchmaker and Somatic Psychologist, Lauren Korshak, kicked off her Secrets of a Matchmaker series at the beginning of December. If you missed Secret #1, catch up here.

Secret #10: The Power of Collaboration and Networking

Network like a pro!

Some potential matches for clients and/or “leads” come from my existing network (matchmaker secret revealed!). Success as a matchmaker requires near constant networking to expand our own personal networks. Through collaboration I also absorb the networks of my fellow matchmakers; and if there’s no match within my pool of singles, I often turn to my colleagues (or, of course, to our fully staffed recruitment team).  

You might be wondering how this applies to your dating life. First, asking people you know to introduce you to potential dates is a great way to leverage your network. Secondly, even though it’s not the goal of dating, the concept of networking can be of secondary benefit. 

“Remember that each person you meet is another human being with their own networks attached.”

Even if there is no chemistry, maybe they will become a friend or business contact. You never know who they know that could be a match for you or who you know that could be a match for them. That being said, there are a few key things to remember about networking as it pertains to dating.

  1. Be real
    (Harkening back to lesson 5–follow your feelings). Good networkers know that networking is about authentic, genuine connection. If you are simply viewing the other person as a means to an end, you will feel it, they will feel it, and it will likely not lead to any substantial connections. Instead, get to know the person on a deeper level – learn about their lives, their hobbies, their desires and beliefs. Maybe you’ll find you share a common interest and have found a new friend in them. Maybe you’ll find you’re very different, but have a friend in mind for them. 
  2. Treat everyone well
    Energy begets energy, so if the energy you put out there on the date and after the date is authentic, positive, and full of integrity, that energy will come back to you. The person you went out with will remember your positively and won’t walk away from the situation more wounded than before. I am not suggesting that you avoid conflict or honesty for fear of hurting someone. 

“I am suggesting that you make an effort to connect on a deeper level — to be as truthful as possible and also kind and nonjudgmental (whether you’re romantically interested or not).”

My experience in dating and business is that people end up showing up in your life in unexpected ways later on. All the little ways you make an effort to honor the other person’s humanity will be remembered, just as all the little ways you stung or hurt them will also be. So, show up and be your best self.

This weeks love lesson: Call on your friends to collaborate. Ask everyone you know to introduce you to one friend. I’ve even heard of people using their BNI (Business Network International) group to get dates. Be creative, have fun with it. Networking is about creativity and expanding your reach. Most importantly, be genuine.

See you next time on Secrets Of A Matchmaker: Secret #11!

Lauren Korshak
Therapist + Dating Coach + Matchmaker

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