Matchmaker Says: The Cultivation of Loyalty

Original Art by Malika Favre

Original Art by Malika Favre

When readers submit good questions through our Heartalytics ask page, we send them directly to our team of matchmakers.

These tidbits of insight usually end up being funny and informative- and everyone can benefit from a little extra matchmaker expertise! You can find this series tagged as “Matchmaker Says,” if you would like to read more.

This week’s question: How does one create loyalty in life, loyalty amongst friends and loyalty with a potential mate?”

Matchmaker, Melody Kiersz, says:

I don’t know that that’s something that can be created in other people.

We can only control our own behavior. In that sense, I don’t think we can create it in others but we can surround ourselves with people who have that same value.

The only other thing I can think of is by inspiring it in others through leading by example. It’s unlikely people will be loyal to us if we’re not loyal to them.

Matchmaker, Gaby Aratow, says:

I think there are people who because of inner pathologies or childhood trauma or brain (mal)functioning will not be loyal no matter what you do.  It’s important to understand that some of this is simply beyond control. However, in relationships, the average person remains loyal to those they know will be loyal to them and from whom they are feeling acknowledged, praised and understood.

Matchmaker and author of the Personal Ritual series on Heartalytics, Emily Tepper, says: 

Loyalty is constructed, enjoyed, and lived by having shared experiences and a shared world view. Even if what you bring to the relationship is very different, you are appreciating and building on that shared truth together. You choose what to pay attention to, so when there is the option to pay attention to something destructive, or something constructive, you have a shared pact to be constructive. You are building something together whether it is a family relationship, a work relationship, a friendship, a romance, or life partnership. Instead of blaming the other person for incriminations or perceived failures, you are always team mates who can look together at the speed-bumps as they arise in the relationship.

“Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles.”
Confucius, The Analects


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Original Art by Malika Favre

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