What are commitment issues, and why do people have them?
Commitment issues is often referred to as relationship anxiety or fear of commitment. Typically, this term refers to an individual’s lack of consistency or ambivalence within a relationship. Those with commitment issues have difficulty committing to long-term relationships. Additionally, those with commitment issues jump from one relationship to the next. Although one might crave a partner’s intimacy, these individuals cannot attach themselves (mentally, emotionally) to one person.
Commitment issues can affect those in intimate romantic relationships and those just starting to date.
Commitment issues are an unwillingness to allow a relationship to progress to the next level. This explains why one might suddenly experience anxiety just as their partner alludes to a commitment at a higher level.
People often experience commitment issues as a result of attachment insecurity, which might manifest through different patterns and behaviors:
- Fearful avoidant: Those who desire a relationship are afraid of being hurt.
- Dismissive avoidant: Those who distance themselves by convincing themselves they do not need anyone.
- Anxious preoccupied: Those who desire intimacy convince themself that their partner does not want them.
How to identify if you have commitment issues
- Avoid thinking of the future: One or both partners avoid talking or thinking about the future (marriage, kids).
- Never make concrete plans: Individuals will be uncomfortable making their current partner a plus one at a wedding which could be 6-12 months away.
- A history of short-lived relationships: There could be another explanation for why these relationships were unsuitable. However, those with commitment issues often will distance themselves from relationships because the relationship is getting too serious.
- Inconsistent behavior: One or more partners exhibit irresponsible behavior; the individual’s behavior might become unpredictable or illogical. One might communicate a certain standard yet violate their rules with their actions.
- Lack of emotional attachment: One or more partners are not emotionally present or attached. Meaning that feelings of closeness and affection needed to sustain a meaningful and long-lasting relationship are not present.
- Poor communication: One might ignore the other’s attempts to connect emotionally. Or one might consistently make unresolvable cyclical arguments.
The consequences of having commitment issues
Commitment issues can transcend the relational space and affect one’s performance in the workplace. Unless addressed, the same insecure attachments have the power to disrupt an individual’s ability to achieve goals.
Most who fear commitments may still want to be in a long-term commitment. The tendency for these individuals to remain independent is more of a defense mechanism than avoidance of intimacy. Moreover, the person will likely result in self-sabotaging behaviors due to their insecurities.
Research indicates that those with commitment issues are often more likely to develop depression, especially without social or professional support.
How to overcome your commitment issues
1. Talk about it
The best way to overcome commitment issues is to discuss them with a friend or partner. Acknowledging the problem is the first step to improvement. Moreover, talking to a loved one will ease the mental burden one might be holding.
2. Learn about attachment styles
Everyone has an attachment style; it is unconscious and develops through childhood experiences. Attachment styles affect personal and professional relationships. Therefore, those with commitment issues must take note of them. Whether anxious, avoidant, or secure, one’s attachment style is a blueprint for understanding ones resorting behaviors in romantic relationships.
3. Practice commitment in other areas of life
Commitment issues do not solely affect romantic relationships; they also have a lasting effect in the workplace or with family and friends. One way to overcome this is by practicing first in these spaces.
4. Consider therapy
Those struggling with commitment issues should be encouraged to speak to a professional. Whether coupled or solo therapy, speaking to a trained professional will assist in allowing individuals to understand what is restraining them and how to overcome these barriers.
The benefits of overcoming your commitment issues
Being with a life partner can be rewarding. However, for many, it does not come without taking risks and making sacrifices.
Some benefits include:
- Experiencing trust, closeness, and intimacy
- Having clarity concerning life goals
- Making exciting plans for the future
- Have someone to savor shared memories with
While not exhaustive, this list indicates the benefits individuals can reap when they work towards overcoming commitment issues.
Commitment issues are a result of deep-seated behaviors learnt as a child. They become more conscious of them as people age. Individuals each may choose to deal with them healthily or let them fester. Overcoming commitment issues may be difficult initially, but the rewards are endless.
To develop a healthier attachment style, it takes time to relearn negative cyclical thinking. However, the reward of finally being able to see a future with a loved one makes it all worth it.
Tawkify specializes in identifying potential partners for long-lasting relationships. Relationship seekers are encouraged to schedule a screening call today to determine whether the Tawkify process is a good option for one’s relationship goals.