Dealing with a break-up can be a doozy. After all, it can do a number on your self-confidence, making you doubt everything about yourself and even feel like you’ve lost a sense of yourself along the way.
Yes, getting out of a relationship and getting over a breakup can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be an entirely negative experience. In fact, this phase is an ideal time to reconnect and find ways to love yourself again, as you have the space to reflect, grow, and assess what exactly it is that you want from this beautiful life of yours. Who are you? And how can you help yourself flourish?
The truth is, a lot of it comes down to loving yourself. But how exactly do you get to a place of self-love, especially if you’re feeling in the dumps?
Our list of self-love tips is here to help with suggestions that offer ways to love yourself as you embark on this new chapter of your life.
Follow these 10 tips to learn how to love yourself again after breaking up or getting divorced.
1. Surround Yourself with Those Who Lift You Up
If you’re wondering how to love yourself again, look to your friends and family. After all, they love you unconditionally.
Focus on spending time with those who cherish you, from your best friend who makes you snort with laughter to your brother who gives the best bear hugs. Feel their warm embrace, listen to their kind words, bask in their positivity, and try to love yourself as fiercely as they love you.
Now more than ever, you need a support system, and your loved ones are there to help you heal and love yourself again.
2. Do Your Favorite Things
Perhaps the best way to love yourself is to do the things that make you happy. Tap into
the activities that make you bring you joy, from your favorite hobbies to your guilty pleasures. That might mean playing guitar, planting flowers in the garden, painting a picture, cuddling with your dog, or eating your favorite cookies. Do what makes you smile and laugh, or feel strong and free. Let down your hair and be true to yourself.
When you engage in your favorite things, you’ll discover a brighter, softer side to yourself that you won’t be able to help but love.
3. Rebuild Your Relationship with Yourself
Sometimes, it can feel like you’ve completely fallen apart in millions of pieces after a breakup, but it’s time to pick up those pieces and rebuild.
Think about it; you’ve likely poured so much energy into tending to your relationship that you neglected the relationship you have with yourself. Round up all that love, care, trust, and nourishment you put toward your ex and redirect it to yourself. Tend to your needs, be gentle, and have faith that things will get better as you heal from your relationship trauma.
4. Speak Kindly to Yourself
Self-talk is the subtle running commentary we all have going on in our heads that isn’t likely to be voiced out loud. That inner voice plays a huge role in determining how you feel about yourself, how you engage in romantic relationships, and how you interact with the world around you. When you notice yourself having an inner dialogue, take a step back and monitor what you’re saying about yourself. If you wouldn’t speak to someone you care about that way, why would you speak to yourself like that?
To practice speaking kindly to yourself, stand in front of a mirror and say some positive, nice things about yourself. Compliment your eyes, your courage, your strength, and your beautiful smile. Tell yourself you’re worthy of love and give yourself a pep talk for the day ahead. Do this every morning, and you’ll find yourself falling in love with yourself all over again.
5. Forgive and Let Go
Forgiveness plays a big part when it comes to learning how to love yourself again. Gently forgive yourself and accept your own apology for anything that haunts you about your past, from your mistakes to your regrets. There’s no use in harping over what’s already been done. It’s time to let go, move on, and free yourself from the shackles of your past relationship. When you can fully forgive and let go of the self-blame, you create more space to love yourself.
Another self-love tip involves reflecting on your past, present, and future. To do so, we recommend journaling, where you can get all your thoughts and feelings on the pages of your notebook. Light some candles, put some soothing music on, and put pen to paper. Don’t hold back—just let everything flow out of you, from your hurt and anger to your grief and sadness. Not only can this be an extremely cathartic exercise, but you might discover things about yourself you didn’t realize you were keeping holed up inside.
7. Don’t Worry About What Others Think
Want to know a secret? Most people actually think way more about themselves than they think about you, which just goes to say, that you should follow suit and focus on yourself!
Now’s the time to be selfish and put yourself first. You need to attend to your needs, from your mental health to your physical health, and not worry about what others may think or say.
Think about what you would do if no one was watching. Maybe you’d take that hip-hop dance class, learn to throw pottery, or try your hand at juggling. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to do what you want without fear of judgment.
8. Give Thanks
Loving yourself and experiencing gratitude go hand in hand. That’s why we recommend giving thanks for all the wonderful things in your life, like your group of best friends, fulfilling career, and amazing oceanfront apartment.
You see, when you recognize all the good things you’ve got going on for yourself, you’ll feel a sense of gratitude for even the smallest things, from the flowers blooming in your front yard to your neighbor’s dinner invitation. And when you can appreciate the tiny stuff, you’ll have an easier time appreciating all the many facets of yourself.
9. Get Rid of Your Anger
Feeling anger is a natural part of the healing process, but that doesn’t mean you should hang on to those dark feelings. Harboring feelings of hatred and anger about your ex or past relationship won’t serve you—they’ll only bring you down and hinder your journey toward self-love.
Therefore, it’s important to work on ways to dissipate those negative emotions so you can create space for self-love.
For you, that might mean screaming your anger into a pillow and allowing yourself to cry it out. For someone else, ridding themselves of anger might require some meditation or therapy sessions. Or, it could even involve a combination of things. The important part is that you take the time to focus on eliminating anger so you can make room for happier thoughts and emotions.
10. Focus on Positive Thoughts
To round out our self-love tips, we suggest ditching the negative attitude. Focusing on negativity is only going to make the bad feelings fester, as it prevents you from seeing the good in life—and the good in yourself.
When you’re feeling negative, consider if there is a more positive perspective you can have about topics regarding yourself, and reflect on whether you have evidence to validate those thoughts. You can even think about what you would tell a friend or family member in a similar situation. When you can see the brighter side of things, you just might start feeling brighter, too.