Living in constant harmony with your partner is a dream for so many couples—but the reality is that conflicts happen, feelings get hurt, and life’s stressors can disrupt even the most agreeable relationship. Problems arise when these issues aren’t managed or resolved, which can lead to relationship tension and strain.
Learn about strained relationship signs, their causes, and how to return to a relationship full of productive communication, trust, and emotional awareness.
Common Signs of a Strained Relationship
Identifying the signs of a strained relationship can help you get on the path to a resolution.
Increased arguments and tension
Have you noticed that you and your partner argue a lot more than usual? Are little spats turning into full-blown conflicts? Do even the smallest of issues set either of you off? Increased arguments, whether seemingly inconsequential or not, is a sign of a strained relationship, which can lead to ongoing relationship tension. It might feel like you just “can’t win” or that every little thing your partner does nags you.
Emotional distance and lack of intimacy
Emotional distance in relationships is a clear indicator of strain. Just think about it: When you’re emotionally connected to your partner, you’re regularly sharing vulnerabilities, concerns, thoughts, and feelings as well as listening to their own. While this doesn’t mean that your relationship is without conflict, it does create an environment in which your partnership can grow through building trust, safety, and respect.
When you’re emotionally distant, that means you’re not aware of one another’s feelings and you both keep everything bottled up. It might feel like you’re on two separate planets. This distance may evolve into not being physically intimate, another important aspect of romantic partnerships.
Avoidance or reluctance to spend time together
Other strained relationship signs include not spending meaningful time together—beyond the mundane, routine parts of daily life. If you haven’t spent time together recently, what is the cause? Perhaps life has been busier than usual, where you’re both spreading your time between work, social activities, kids, or other things. It’s normal for time alone to get deprioritized (subconsciously or not) during busy periods.
But if you both are actively avoiding spending time with each other, it could be a sign of a strained relationship.
What Causes Strain in Relationships?
Relationship stress causes range from miscommunication and unresolved conflicts to external issues.
Communication breakdowns and misunderstandings
Those arguments you’ve been having? They could be due to miscommunication or not communicating in productive ways. Many partners don’t align exactly with their communication styles, and that’s ok. The key is to discover how your significant other communicates, learn how to express your needs, and not shut each other down or point fingers when there is a misunderstanding. Without these tactics, there are sure to be communication breakdowns in the relationship.
Unresolved conflicts and resentment
Arguments in a relationship aren’t a bad thing, but when conflicts aren’t managed or resolved, small issues can become huge problems that increase the divide between partners. The longer that the conflict remains, the more resentment there may be, which can put a lot of strain on any relationship.
External stressors
Not all relationship strain stems from individual differences or problems within the relationship. External stressors, like work, family, or financial issues, can greatly impact couples, taking a toll on the individual and the relationship as a whole.
Every person is unique in how they handle stress—whether it’s managing a demanding job, having to navigate family problems, or not being able to make ends meet—and these differences can lead to hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or resentment.
How to Address and Fix a Strained Relationship
Turn a strained relationship around with these relationship repair strategies that can get you and your loved one back on track to a fulfilling and satisfying partnership.
Rebuild communication and trust
Fixing a strained relationship starts with rebuilding what’s broken—and most often, that’s communication and trust. Here are some practical tips on how to rebuild these two crucial aspects of any relationship:
Adjust your response. Are you quick to anger? Do you shut down when conflicts arise? Identify how you respond to disagreements or disappointments, and practice adjusting your response to a healthy communication pattern, like calming down, taking a breath, seeking to understand before pointing blame, and so on.
Use “I feel” statements. When expressing your needs and feelings, avoid saying “you make me feel…” Using “I feel” statements shifts the focus away from partner blame and assumption, instead naming your feelings when your partner does X, Y, or Z.
Practice active listening. One of the main reasons why miscommunication occurs is because couples aren’t really listening to each other. When discussing plans, feelings, suggestions, and more, make that discussion your only focus (aka put away your phone, pause the TV, etc.). Ask clarification questions. Have a back-and-forth to come to an agreement.
Talk openly and without judgment. Make space for communication that is nonjudgmental. This not only helps both partners feel safer expressing their feelings, but it also enhances trust.
Own up to (and learn from) your mistakes. Apologizing is one of the best remedies for broken trust. But you also need to learn from mistakes and show that you’re dedicated to improving. Couples should actively try to better themselves and their actions to start rebuilding trust.
Seek relationship counseling or therapy
Sometimes, fixing a strained relationship requires a little extra help. Getting relationship counseling or individual therapy can give you the resources you need for conflict resolution in relationships, better communication strategies, and ways to lessen the emotional distance between you and your partner.
Make time for each other and prioritize the relationship
No matter what’s going on in your lives, make time for each other. It doesn’t have to be an hours-long date night—even just a few quiet moments before bed or first thing in the morning will do. Making space for these moments just the two of you will keep you in tune with each other and allow time for addressing any issues.
Preventing Future Strain in Your Relationship
Most couples will experience different levels of strain throughout their relationship, depending on what’s going on in their lives. But there are ways to help prevent future strain by setting your relationship on a solid foundation with these tips.
Establish healthy communication habits
Our advice on rebuilding communication works here, too. Maintain healthy habits by learning and responding to how your partner likes to communicate, adjusting the way that you respond in certain situations, and actively listening. During arguments, try to use “I feel” statements and come up with a solution or compromise in the moment, rather than waiting and letting the issue fester.
Regularly check in with each other’s needs
Don’t let too much time pass between check-ins—and if you haven’t implemented relationship check-ins, start now! These don’t need to be a formal family meeting. Simply try to remember to ask your partner every few weeks how they’ve been feeling, if any areas of concern have arisen, if they’re satisfied with the amount of time you’ve been spending together, and so on. Basically, you’re taking a pulse on the relationship to make sure that it’s still beating strong.
Maintain a balance between individual and couple time
Spending time alone is important for couples because it provides opportunities to connect emotionally and physically. But individual time alone is also necessary. This allows partners to pursue different hobbies, connect with friends, or have moments for self-care. Keep a healthy balance of independence and time together as a unit to ensure that both of those needs are met.
How Tawkify Can Help You Build a Strong and Resilient Relationship
Learning how to build a healthy, thriving relationship with someone might not be a walk in the park, but it is possible with the help of relationship coaching. All Tawkify clients get access to certified relationship coaching with their matchmaking package, which can help to set every new match up for success.
The benefits of personalized matchmaking for long-term relationship success
But relationship coaching isn’t the only thing that will produce a solid, long-term relationship. You need to find a mate that is compatible and shares your relationship goals and values—and that’s where Tawkify matchmakers enter the picture.
Your dedicated matchmaker will get to know the real you and spend time learning about your ideal partner. From there, they’ll hand-select a match who they think will fit you to a tee, eventually setting up a first date setting that’s personalized to your tastes. The refreshing Tawkify approach is helping more singles meet each other, leading to tons of success stories of happy relationships.
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