What If I Don’t Want To Date

Art: Joe Cruz

Usually questions submitted through the ask page are inquests on how to date “better,” how to meet people, how to make the first move, etc…

So when a question came through that didn’t fit the usual pattern, I was perplexed — and after answering it, I felt that it should be shared.

Q: “It’s been over three years — exactly three years, two months, and twenty-four days since my last meaningful relationship with a man that I had so much fun with. He was smart, cute, easy peasy to be with, and I loved him. He professed he loved me too, and when he looked at me and his eyes twinkled, it made me feel like he really did. It didn’t work out in the long term, and it took a while for me to get over that relationship to be honest. I’ve been enjoying single blessedness and I can’t seem to get myself interested in any one person in particular. I can’t count how many men would like to meet me and get to know me, but I’ve been too lazy to even try. I’m beginning to think that something is wrong with me. Otherwise, I’m happy, having so much fun, am in great shape with plenty of friends and family who love me. Is there something wrong with me?” — Mary O.

Hi Mary,

Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. I’m going to quote you —

“I’m happy, having so much fun, am in great shape with plenty of friends and family who love me.”

There is no “one size fits all” in life. Just because some people enjoy dating, and are in the pursuit of romantic relationships, doesn’t mean you have to follow suit.

You are happy.
You’re not looking for a relationship.
You don’t feel like dating.

That’s OK. In fact, it’s great — because you’re doing what you want. When you’re ready, you’ll start dating again. You won’t have to force it.

Until then, stay in your happy place and live your dream — it’s the only one you can live.

You know what love feels like. You’ve had it. Sounds like you’re doing a great job at loving yourself — focus on that, and if you eventually feel like expanding that love again, I have no doubt you’ll rise to the occasion.

And if you still feel sad sometimes about your last relationship not working out, that’s OK too. It’s possible that some of this “disinterest” in dating is a by-product of that breakup. If there’s any of that pain leftover (swirling around your head and heart), don’t ignore it. See that it’s there and take from it what you can. If dealt with in a mindful way, that discomfort will slowly fade into the distant past.

Do your thing and don’t care if they like it!

Love Wisely,
Valerie Presley Ackler
Editor, Heartalytics

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