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Dear Men of Tinder (and other dating sites)

Guest Writers: Experts & Researchers in the fieldGuest Writers: Experts & Researchers in the field
Published in Dating 



    Some of you may get rejected more often than not. Rejection is a tough thing to experience, especially en masse–and even more so from strangers. There could be many reasons why you are being rejected over these apps/sites, but a good, first-run filter might be “can I be mistaken for a predatory serial killer?”

    Just because you are not a potential serial killer, or a generally shady person, doesn’t mean that you may not (unintentionally of course) come across as such when dating online.

    Here are some helpful ways to make sure you don’t:

    1. Post photos that show your face clearly. Photos that show off that pretty mug of yours are an imperative, especially for your profile photo. If you are ashamed of being seen on a dating site, then find an alternative dating service– a bar, a matchmaking service, or a super duper exclusive site. Even though many, if not most, people are on such sites, some are still of a more shy nature. This is one hurdle you’ll really have to get over to play this particular game. Aside from the fact that women are also “visual people” and care about the attractiveness of a guy, realize that it’s not putting you out there in more of a vulnerable position as the majority of the other people. When the tables are skewed otherwise, there’s a word for that: “voyeurism.” Which is okay in its own right, but is essentially about watching from the outside looking in.

    2. Provide some information about yourself. It’s okay if you’re looking for some NSA (no strings attached) fun, but even in NSA encounters, it’s great to know something about a person before considering spending any time hanging out with them. Since the Tinder tagline is so small, it’s only going to be a little information, but the more you can say to show your personality, the better!

    3. When messaging anyone, be sincere. When Tindering, you will probably send out more messages than bottles that will wash up on your shore. It’s just the price of admission for playing the Tinder game. Because it can get tiresome and start feeling fruitless, you may be tempted to write a whole essay and paste it into the textbox as a primer to getting to know you. Best thing is to keep it short, keep it sweet, and reference something about the person’s profile. The recipient of the message may actually feel as if you are trying to talk to her and not just a random “girl.” You may still not hear back. Which is okay, because that’s her choice to not respond, even if you’ve cleared the low “his profile doesn’t make him look like a serial killer!” bar.

    Bonus Points: Take a look at the photos above and figure out what Josh did wrong.

    Yours Truly, 
    Love Pirate Nia

    Art by Frank Stella

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