Swiping With Intention

In two years of matchmaking experience, one client in particular stands out as having changed my life.

Jane was in her early 30s in NYC. She had the same background as most Tawkify clients — she was successful, confident, well-traveled, kind and attractive. Just one problem…

She couldn’t find a quality date to save her life.

In just a few months of using dating apps, she had already been repeatedly stood up, ghosted, and rattled by a slew of weird and creepy messages.

Obviously, this is not what anyone hopes for when putting themselves out there to date. But as you all know, it’s what many experience when dating on their own. And it sucks!

For singles of all demographics (and especially for millennial women, I would argue) dating on apps is typically a routine process. You download the apps available and swipe for hours with minimal success. The average user logs in 11 times a day, and spends an average 8 minutes on the app each session. That’s 90 minutes a day!

Eventually, the process wears you down for one reason or another — whether it be lackluster dates, being ghosted, gross messages, or a combination of all three — and you delete them all! The cycle continues like this for most of my clients, and it was the same for Jane.

The beginning of the matchmaking experience with Jane was not at all flawless.

I found men who fit her preferences and priorities exactly as she had described them, but something wasn’t adding up.

Two dates into her package, we were both frustrated. For some reason, our approach was not yielding the type of person with whom she clicked – even though the candidates aligned perfectly on-paper.

It’s my job to ease the dating pain, so I decided to try something different. On our check-in and feedback calls, we intentionally examined each of her preferences:

Treating the process with more heart and fewer checkboxes.

We dove deep into her feelings and anxieties before, during and after each date. This renewed approach gave her clarity, confidence and a new sense of authority over her awesome dating self.

Editor side note: “A great Matchmaker is persistent, accountable, communicative, compassionate, nurturing, creative, and thrives under pressure.” Julia Armet, Tawkify Director of Operations

In our last few months working together, some dates were good, some just so-so. But with our intentional check-ins, each date became purposeful, moving towards something greater.

At the beginning of all this, Jane shared that she wanted to try full service matchmaking to find quality dates — and naturally, to also meet a long term partner. And while every client has their own unique relationship goals, what Julie ended up getting at the end of her experience was total dating transformation — and a framework to move forward with more confidence and success, without me to guide her.

Editor side note: This reminded us of another highlight from our interview with Director of Operations, Julia Armet — “Working with Tawkify isn’t outcome oriented, but more process oriented. The emphasis on the here-and-now vs. the outcome makes us into an experience where people gain the essential tools to implement into their own dating lives so they eventually don’t need us. We are here to give them introductions to people they may have not met otherwise but more importantly, we are here to empower them.”

In our last phone call, Jane said, “You know, Lily, I haven’t met my soulmate in these past three months, but I have learned to trust my gut on dates for the first time in my life. I know how to trust what I want and how to get it. And that has changed the quality of dates I’ve found online and in-person outside of this experience. I feel like my dating life is exploding with great things now!”

I was overwhelmed. And I felt incredibly fortunate to have been a part of Jane’s journey. Most of all, I saw potential to share this experience and knowledge with more who could majorly benefit — which brought about the birth of Brazen, a company focused on empowering women to create dating experiences that leave them feeling energized, confident, possible and powerful.

In the past five years, the landscape of online dating has completely changed. There is more access and opportunity than ever to meet someone outside of your social circle. With that unlimited access to everyone (and everyone’s cousin), also brings unlimited headaches, hence the download, delete, download, delete phenomenon.

What I’ve found in my qualitative research over the years, is that when we treat swiping similar to the matchmaking process — with heart, intention, care and clarity — it completely changes the quality of dates that people experience.

I have seen how investing the time to investigate, verbalize and strategize around your swiping patterns, personality and preferences leads to more quality dates and ultimate success. Because when you swipe with intention, dates aren’t just random highs and lows. They are your constellation! In other words, they are your guide to make every date worth your time.

If you are interested in learning more about Lily’s Swipe with Intention course or the Brazen community, please visit her website at DateBrazen.com.

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Lily Womble has been a top three matchmaker at Tawkify for two years, and in that time, she has worked with over 100 clients across the country. Through this experience, she’s developed a methodology and course that helps women create a dating experience that leaves them feeling energized and confident, possible and powerful. And spoiler, it’s not because she’s found them a “soulmate.”

Lily has made fighting for the interests of others her life’s mission. Prior to matchmaking, her career as a professional advocate for women and girls took her from Alabama to Turkey to Malaysia and back. As the Founder of Brazen, she is harnessing that passion to build powerful tools, courses and community to empower women to achieve confident and successful dating lives.