Do’s and Dont’s of Texting a New Love Interest

Hey you! It’s Vince 🙂 

So, you’ve met someone new, and you’re embracing modern tech by getting to know them better through text. The early stages of texting someone new can be thrilling, but they can also feel a bit nerve-wracking. We’ve got you covered with some texting tips about how to help you build a meaningful connection and lay a strong foundation while you’re getting to know someone through text.

1. Don’t Rely on Text Alone

We had to start with the obvious. Lives are busy, and text threads are a great way to pick up and drop conversations fluidly over time, but they can’t replace your voice, video, or in-person conversations. It’s a supplement. Impromptu phone calls may feel invasive to some, or delightful to others. Text ahead and see if they’re down for a chat. If you’re shy just asking, have an excuse to talk, like a funny story from your day. 

If that’s not your bag, you might also consider exploring the option of voice memos, which are very common for WhatsApp and some iOS users. Note: A lot of people avoid these because they feel forced to hear the sound of their own voice, but it definitely provides clarity and nuance to your message, when welcomed, and feels more conversational. 

2. Do Use Read Receipts (with Caution) 

Maybe bigger than you think. Despite knowing how busy we all are, being “left on read” doesn’t feel good to anyone. Exercise caution, and only share read receipts if you’re confident that you’re likely to answer promptly to open messages and not apt to be losing interest any time soon.

3. Do Consider Playing Texting Games

Unlike head games. A lot of platforms offer short games like Wordhunt, or even Monopoly (if you’re a nerd like me); this is a great casual way to be engaged in an activity with someone at a perfectly leisurely pace. 

4. Don’t Be Afraid of Emojis 

Criticism around emojis might be a little silly. While you might not want them in your PhD dissertation, linguists have studied the effects and benefits of emojis in texts, and determined that they help convey emotions, intentions, and contextual information that might be missing in plain text messages. This is especially helpful in playful texting while you’re getting to know someone ( i.e. “You’re not that cute.” vs. “You’re not that cute 😜😘”) See the difference? You are cute, though. 

5. Do Respect the Texting Pace

Texting can be a back-and-forth game, but don’t be too hasty to reply to every message instantly when you’re texting someone new. Respect the other person’s texting pace, as some people might be busier than others, or might just communicate differently based on attachment styles. It’s perfectly fine to take your time before responding while also showing genuine interest in the conversation.

6. Do Set Healthy Boundaries

You might be excited while texting someone new, and it’s easy to get carried away and spend hours glued to your phone. While enthusiasm is great, don’t be afraid to set boundaries and avoid excessive texting. Remember, the goal is to get to know each other better, not to become constant texting buddies. Feel free to let them know you’ll get in touch later. (i.e. hitting the gym and some dinner plans tonight, let’s connect tomorrow? 🤗

7. Do Foster Meaningful Conversations

You’re not fettered to small talk. Share your thoughts, dreams, and experiences to create a deeper connection. Ask thoughtful questions about their lives, their perfect date ideas, or even their dreams. Meaningful conversations build emotional intimacy and make room for a lot more growth, confidence in your connection, and sense of familiarity when you’re meeting IRL (in real life). Haven’t seen that acronym before? Let’s go there.

8. Do Learn the Lingo 

Texting is often filled with shorthand phrases and expressions, and we’ve also got a list of common dating acronyms for you to check out. If you’re mid conversation and get one that you don’t know, consider giving it a quick google before asking. This might help keep you in sync. 

9. Do Mind the Time Zones

If you and your love interest live in different time zones, be mindful of the time difference when texting. Sending late-night messages might not be well-received if it disrupts their evening routine or sleep. Consider adjusting your texting schedule or communicating about when’s best to chat.

10. Don’t Assume Things 

Avoid Texting Misinterpretations. As we mentioned, texting lacks the nuances of in-person communication, which can sometimes lead to misinterpretations. Be clear and concise in your messages to avoid misunderstandings. If something seems ambiguous, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification to maintain open and honest communication.

11. Do Show Engagement

A simple expression of appreciation can go a long way in showing that you value the other person’s time and effort. Whether they shared a funny meme or opened up about a personal story, acknowledging their contributions to the conversation fosters a sense of connection and mutual respect.

12. A Few More Texting Do’s and Don’ts

Here are some final essential texting do’s and don’ts to keep in mind:

  • Do: Engage in active listening. Ask open-ended questions and show curiosity about their interests, hobbies, and passions.
  • Don’t: Bombard them with a barrage of texts or send multiple messages before they’ve had a chance to respond.
  • Do: Be yourself. Authenticity is key to forming a genuine connection.
  • Don’t: Overthink your texts. Be natural and don’t worry too much about crafting the “perfect” message while flirting.
  • Do: Be silly when you can. A well-placed joke can lighten the mood and create a sense of closeness. 
  • Don’t: Engage in heated or controversial discussions too early on–save that stuff for later.

Texting is casual, but it’s a very real and powerful way to get to know someone as you’re warming up a relationship, or keeping in touch with your beau throughout the day. Approach it thoughtfully, but make sure to have fun. 😊😊😊

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