Questions To Ask Your Matchmaker Before You Get Started

Starting with a matchmaking service is a big step toward finding a meaningful connection. But before you dive in, it’s worth asking the right matchmaking questions to set yourself up for success. Understanding how your matchmaker works, what to expect from the process, and how they’ll support your love life can transform your entire experience.

The questions you ask upfront shape everything that follows, from the quality of your potential matches to how comfortable you feel during your first date. This isn’t just about logistics. It’s about building trust with someone who’s investing in your happiness alongside you.

This guide walks you through the essential matchmaking questions to ask before you begin, backed by expert dating advice and real-world insights. We’ll cover how matches are selected, what happens during initial sessions, and how matchmaking services personalize the journey to fit your unique needs. 

Ready to learn more about how matchmaking works? Let’s dive into the best questions to ask your matchmaker.

THINGS TO ASK YOUR MATCHMAKER
Category	Questions to ask
How matches are chosen	– What criteria do you prioritize when selecting matches?  – Do you use a questionnaire, interviews, or both?  – Will I get to review or approve matches before introductions?  – Can I choose my preferred age range?  – What if I have location-specific needs?
Things to know about the matchmaker you’re working with	– How long have you worked in matchmaking?  – What’s your personal approach to finding love for others?  – What’s your background, and how did you get into this work?
First date details	– Will you help schedule and plan the first date?  – Is the first date in person, or can it start virtually?  – What happens if I want a second date?  – What if the date doesn’t go well?
How your profile is created and shared	– How do you gather personal details for my profile?  – Can I review or edit what’s shared with potential matches?  – Will you share my phone number or LinkedIn profile?

How Matches Are Chosen

Understanding the methodology behind your matches is essential. After all, you’re trusting someone else to identify compatibility factors that could lead to a lasting connection. The right matchmaking services use a combination of art and science to find people who align with your values, lifestyle, and relationship goals.

Here are the key questions to ask:

What Criteria Do You Prioritize When Selecting Matches?

Matchmakers typically consider multiple layers of compatibility: shared values, lifestyle preferences, communication styles, relationship goals, and even personality traits that complement each other.

Some prioritize emotional intelligence and readiness for commitment, while others focus heavily on lifestyle alignment, like career ambitions or family planning. Understanding what your matchmaker weighs most heavily helps you assess whether their approach matches what matters to you.

Do You Use a Matchmaking Questionnaire, Interviews, or Both?

Most professional matchmaking services combine both methods. A detailed questionnaire captures the basics, including age range, location, deal-breakers, and preferences.

However, the real magic happens during one-on-one interviews, where matchmakers dig deeper into what you’re truly looking for versus what you think you want. These conversations reveal nuances that no questionnaire can capture, like how you communicate under stress or what makes you feel emotionally safe with a partner.

Will I Get To Review or Approve Matches Before Introductions?

This varies by service. Some matchmaking services provide profiles for your review before facilitating introductions, giving you veto power. Others use a “trust the expert” model where your matchmaker makes the final call based on their professional assessment of compatibility. 

Neither approach is inherently better. It depends on your comfort level with relinquishing control and your confidence in your matchmaker’s judgment.

Can I Choose My Preferred Age Range?

Absolutely. Most matchmaking services respect age preferences, though your matchmaker might gently challenge artificially narrow ranges.

If you’re 40 and only willing to date people 35–38, they might ask why, especially if that restriction eliminates compatible people who are 39 or 41. The goal isn’t to ignore your preferences, but to ensure they’re serving you rather than limiting you.

What if I Have Location-Specific Needs?

Location matters, especially if you’re not open to relocation or long-distance relationships. If you live in New York, San Diego, Los Angeles, or San Francisco, for example, your matchmaker should have a robust local dating pool. However, they should also discuss your flexibility.

Would you consider someone in a neighboring city? What about someone who travels frequently to your area for work? Understanding the geographical realities of your dating pool helps set realistic expectations.

Things To Know About the Matchmaker You’re Working With

Your matchmaker isn’t just a service provider; they’re a partner in one of the most vulnerable aspects of your life. Building trust with this person matters. You want someone whose experience, intuition, and approach align with your personality and what you’re hoping to find.

Ask these matchmaker questions to get to know them:

How Long Have You Worked in Matchmaking?

Experience matters in this field. A matchmaker who’s facilitated hundreds of successful connections brings pattern recognition that newer professionals haven’t developed yet. 

They’ve seen what works, what doesn’t, and how to navigate the inevitable bumps in the dating journey. Years in the industry also mean they’ve built a robust network of potential matches and understand the nuances of compatibility that only come with time.

What’s Your Personal Approach To Finding Love for Others?

Every matchmaker has a philosophy. Some lean heavily on data and compatibility metrics. Others trust their gut and focus on intangible chemistry.

Some specialize in helping people overcome dating anxiety or past relationship trauma. Understanding your matchmaker’s approach helps you assess whether their style resonates with your needs.

What’s Your Background, and How Did You Get Into This Work?

Many matchmakers come from psychology, counseling, human resources, or even recruiting — fields that require a deep understanding of people and relationships. Others stumbled into matchmaking after their own dating journeys or through a passion for connecting people.

Their background often shapes how they work. A former therapist might focus heavily on emotional readiness, while someone from a recruiting background might excel at networking and expanding your dating pool.

First Date Details

The logistics of your first date can make or break the experience. Knowing what to expect and what support you’ll receive helps you show up confident and present rather than anxious about the details.

Here are more matchmaking questions to ask:

Will You Help Schedule and Plan the First Date?

Many matchmaking services handle coordination, removing the awkward back-and-forth of finding a mutually convenient time. Some go further, suggesting venues based on shared interests or providing recommendations for low-pressure environments that encourage conversation.

This hands-on approach takes the logistical stress off your plate so you can focus on connection rather than details.

Is the First Date in Person, or Can It Start Virtually?

Post-pandemic, many services offer flexibility. Some facilitate a brief phone call or video chat before the in-person meeting, giving you a chance to gauge initial chemistry without committing to a full date.

Others jump straight to face-to-face introductions, believing that in-person chemistry is impossible to assess digitally. Understanding your service’s philosophy helps you mentally prepare.

What Happens if I Want a Second Date?

This is where post-date feedback becomes crucial. After your first date, you’ll typically debrief with your matchmaker, sharing what worked, what didn’t, and whether you’d like to see the person again.

If both parties express interest, your matchmaker facilitates the exchange of contact information for you to coordinate a second date directly. If one or both aren’t interested, your matchmaker handles the communication professionally, sparing you the discomfort of rejection or ghosting.

What if the Date Doesn’t Go Well?

Not every match will click, and that’s okay. Your matchmaker should create a safe space for honest feedback without judgment. This information helps them refine future matches. 

Unlike dating apps, where a bad date just means swiping again, matchmaking turns each experience into data that improves your next introduction.

How Your Profile Is Created and Shared

Your dating profile is the foundation of how potential matches learn about you.

Unlike online dating platforms, where you craft your own profile and hope for the best, matchmaking services build your profile through collaborative conversation. Understanding this process ensures you’re comfortable with how you’re being represented.

Ask these questions:

How Do You Gather Personal Details for My Profile?

Most matchmaking services use a combination of methods. You’ll complete an initial questionnaire covering basics like age, location, career, and lifestyle preferences. Then comes the deeper work, like one-on-one interviews where your matchmaker explores your values, relationship history, communication style, and what truly matters to you in a partner.

These conversations often reveal aspects of yourself you hadn’t articulated before. A skilled matchmaker listens for what you’re not saying as much as what you are, helping paint an authentic picture of who you are and what you need.

Can I Review or Edit What’s Shared With Potential Matches?

Transparency is key. Reputable matchmaking services should allow you to review how you’re being presented before introductions begin. This isn’t about creating a sanitized version of yourself; it’s about ensuring accuracy and comfort.

You should be able to provide feedback if something doesn’t feel quite right, or if you want to emphasize different aspects of your personality or goals.

Will You Share My Phone Number or LinkedIn Profile?

Not without your explicit permission. Unlike dating apps, where sharing contact information often happens within the first few messages, matchmaking protects your direct contact details.

Your phone number and LinkedIn stay private until after you’ve met someone and decided you want to continue the connection. This prevents unwanted contact and maintains professional boundaries throughout the early stages.

How To Prepare for Your First Matchmaking Session

Walking into your initial matchmaking consultation can feel intimidating. However, showing up prepared, both mentally and logistically, transforms the experience from nerve-wracking to empowering. Our downloadable checklist makes sure that you’re equipped with everything you need for your first matchmaking session.

Here’s how to get ready:

Reflect on What You Truly Want

Before your first session, spend time thinking about your ideal relationship. Not just surface details like “tall” or “funny,” but deeper qualities.

What does your perfect day with a partner look like? How do you want to feel in a relationship? What patterns from past relationships do you want to avoid? These reflections help you articulate your needs clearly during your consultation.

Get Honest About Your Deal-Breakers and Flexibilities

Make two lists: non-negotiables and preferences you’re willing to reconsider. This exercise clarifies what you absolutely need versus what you think you need.

Maybe you realize that living in the same city is non-negotiable, but you’re actually flexible about whether someone has a college degree.

Prepare To Discuss Your Relationship History

Your matchmaker will ask about past relationships not to judge, but to understand patterns and what you’ve learned.

Think about what worked, what didn’t, and what you’re doing differently this time around. This self-awareness helps your matchmaker identify compatible partners and avoid repeating past mistakes.

Consider Your Lifestyle and Priorities

Be ready to discuss your career, how you spend your free time, your social life, and your long-term goals.

Do you prioritize your dream job over geographic flexibility? What’s on your bucket list? These details paint a picture of your life and what kind of partner would fit into it authentically.

Matchmaking isn’t magic. It won’t instantly solve deep-rooted relationship issues or find you a perfect person who requires zero compromise. But it does significantly increase your odds of meeting compatible people who share your relationship goals. Approach it with optimism tempered by realism.

Ready to start your matchmaking journey? Discover how Tawkify creates meaningful connections through personalized matchmaking.

FAQs About Working With a Matchmaker

Here are a few of the most common matchmaking questions that we get from first-time clients: 

What If I Don’t Click With a Match?

Not every introduction will result in chemistry, and that’s completely normal. When a match doesn’t click, provide honest feedback to your matchmaker about what felt off, whether it was a values mismatch, lack of physical attraction, or simply no spark.

This information helps them refine future matches. Unlike dating apps, where a bad date just means moving on alone, matchmaking turns each experience into valuable data that improves your next introduction. Your matchmaker uses this feedback to adjust their understanding of your preferences and compatibility factors.

How Often Will I Get Matched?

Frequency varies by service and membership level. Some matchmaking services provide one introduction per month, while others offer multiple matches depending on your package. Quality matters more than quantity.

Your matchmaker prioritizes finding genuinely compatible potential matches rather than overwhelming you with options. During your consultation, clarify the expected cadence of introductions so that you and your matchmaker are on the same page.

Do I Have to Share My Phone Number?

No, not until you’re ready. Professional matchmaking services like Tawkify Matchmaking protect your phone number and other direct contact information until after you’ve met someone and both parties want to continue the connection.Initial coordination happens through your matchmaker or the service’s secure communication channels. This protects your privacy and prevents unwanted contact from people you’re not interested in pursuing.