As the clock ticks down to the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, the air is charged with the promise of new beginnings. Observed through the lens of this staff writer’s favorite holiday, let’s talk a bit about the opportunities the new year brings. Our recommendation, as you ponder how to find love? Instead of following the trend of setting unrealistically obtainable goals–your commitment to fitness, your discipline and boundaries, and whatever perceived failures or negative self-talk or shame you have haunting you–you might instead consider a much quieter, reflective and more resolute approach this year.
First, take an inventory of what’s going well in your life and celebrate your wins. We are evolutionarily wired to scan our environments for threats and problems, but if you sit down for 15 minutes and jot down some happy memories or some wins from the year, you might in fact be delighted and surprised. If you’re unsure what you’ll ever do with the 100GB of photos and videos in your phone, this might in fact be the very thing. If you need some inspiration, take a scroll down memory lane.
Your inventory might also include the parts of your life, including your relationships, that you’d like to define or design more intentionally, and this might take a little bravery. To guide you on this journey of self and modern dating, we’ve curated a set of matchmaker-endorsed New Year’s resolutions for singles—resolutions, or intentions, as well as some exercises, that are not only specific and attainable, but especially focused on personal growth and relationship readiness.
Let’s dive in.
Date with Intention
The first of our new year’s dating resolutions begins with a bold statement: The kind of relationship you reach or settle for is likely the type you’ll end up having. Or, as author Stephen Chobsky would say: “we accept the love we think we deserve.” When we live with intention, and date with intention, we question our assumptions and we open ourselves up to a more curated and designed life. An exercise that might be helpful is to sit down (another 15 minutes needed, here) and just write what a PERFECT life to you looks like in 10 years. Be absurdly, granularly specific. Be a dreamer. You might be very surprised by what comes out on the page, if you allow it. Maybe keep that page tucked away and review it from time to time.
Define Your Relationship Values
A great way of concluding which relationship values resonate most with you might be another quick inventory of what hasn’t worked in the past–you might get there easily through the process of elimination. Is communication a priority? Shared values? Physical fitness and healthy lifestyle? Emotional intelligence? Work to define these values for yourself, so you can create a roadmap for successful connections and ensure that your romantic pursuits align with your long-term goals. If you know in advance, you’ll see the green flags as they come, as well as the red ones.
Optimize Your Dating Profile
Matchmakers emphasize that a well-curated profile not only attracts potential matches but also sets the stage for meaningful conversations. As I wrote earlier this year, we recommend that you optimize your dating profile by representing your physical self accurately, crafting an engaging and honest bio, setting clear match preferences, regularly updating your profile, and engaging thoughtfully in conversations. A little thought goes a long way, and the practice of this kind of engagement can even help you when you’re ready to meet someone without dating apps.
Avoid Sabotaging Your Love Life
It’s time to break free from self-sabotaging patterns. This is much easier said than done, because our behaviors in dating often reflect how secure we are in ourselves. You do not have to be perfect to find love. You do not have to have worked through all of your trauma to be loveable. I read recently that part of being emotionally healthy while human means managing to be happy while also knowing that at any given point, some part of you, perhaps a different part at different times, will be a little broken. Embrace that, to whatever degree you can. Our advice? If sabotaging your love life really just means repeating patterns and behaviors that haven’t served you well in the past, try to identify what those patterns are, and learn how to avoid them! Loving others better might be facilitated easiest if you begin to love yourself better, first.
Love Yourself Better
A great exercise at work, especially if you lead a team of people, is to ask the type of emotional result you might get from your communication. Most people have figured out that we catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If your internal monologues to yourself are acidic, consider why that is, and if it’s yielding the results you want. The more reflective we are about how we speak to ourselves, the more sub-consciously attuned we become to the way we speak to others. It’s a win-win(-win), because your prospective new person will likely be able to sense it, too, and you’re more likely to be receptive to affection if you’re not beating yourself up all the time.
Move On from Your Ex
One of the most debilitating obstacles in finding new love is your lingering attachment to the past. A note on this: we are enthusiasts of maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships. Truly, a romance that doesn’t live forever can become a life-affirming, beautiful and intimate friendship. But if your ex is haunting you, or blocking your emotional availability, you might need to check in with yourself to find out why, and take steps to move on. That might be a conversation for closure, or some more internal work, and it takes a lot of courage.
Foster Genuine Connections
This is a staff favorite among our new year’s dating resolutions. Especially if you find yourself in a major city and spoiled for choice, if you’re wondering how to find love, remember: quality over quantity should be your mantra in the dating world. Rather than pursuing multiple connections simultaneously, focus on fostering genuine, meaningful relationships, and make sure to be paying attention to the person sitting in front of you. If you’re by yourself, though, LOOK UP! Be open and present, instead of glued to your phone–you might just meet someone without dating apps altogether!
Practice Patience and Resilience
I wish there were a magic wand. I can say with conviction that the waiting and exploring does us all good, but it can be challenging and sometimes discouraging. The fact is, finding the right person often takes time, and setbacks are going to happen. One of the best actionable new year’s resolutions for singles I can give you, is to make date night the kind of activity you’d also enjoy regardless of the company. This will depressurize your meet-ups, safeguard you from wasting time and money, and keep you feeling resilient.
If you’ve got some other ideas, or questions for us, reach out on our socials. We’d love to hear from you and contribute to your journey however we can. If you’d like us to work for you, and you’re determined to be eligible, it’s risk free: matched, or your money back. We hope to see you in a bright and joyful 2024.