Are they being friendly or flirty? Six little words that people have been stumped by for ages.
Many relationships, whether they’re brand-new connections or years-old friendships, often involve flirting. But how do you know if it’s flirting for fun vs. flirting with intent? And what do these types of flirtatious behaviors even mean?
Uncover the differences between flirting for fun and flirting with intent and the impact that both can have. And keep reading to learn the signs of flirting so you can finally understand if they really are into you.
You could say that all flirting is fun, but with a lack of intent, flirting is focused on simply enjoying a lighthearted experience in the moment. There isn’t much seriousness around fun flirtatious behavior, meaning that whoever is flirting is doing it without any expectations of it leading to anything more.
People flirt for fun for so many different reasons and in various scenarios. Here are a few:
Flirting for fun is harmless as long as there is an awareness of the situation and how the other person might perceive flirtatious behavior. For one, understanding your surroundings is key. Whereas flirting for fun will most likely be seen as harmless when you’re out dancing with friends, it might be inappropriate in a different context, like flirting at work.
It’s also important to be aware of the situation. Let’s say you have a friend who you know is into you, but you don’t feel the same way. In this case, flirting with them could make them assume you have feelings, too, leading to future heartbreak.
Another situation might involve people flirting who are in separate relationships. Now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing—it is totally normal for people to do some friendly flirting in certain settings. But the key is to know where to draw the line and respect boundaries and feelings of everyone involved.
The main difference between flirting for fun vs. flirting with intent is that with the latter, there is an intention to move things forward. You could think of flirting with intent as a form of persuasion to do something, like asking for a number or moving from friendship to something more.
The marker of this form of flirting is that the person wants something to come from it, as opposed to flirting for fun, where flirtatious behavior is where it starts and ends.
People flirt with intent because they want something to happen. When you’re dating with intention, you’re often flirting with intention, hoping to secure the other person’s attraction or even, ultimately, their love. Whether you’re looking for a long-term partnership or a hookup, with intentional flirting, the goal is to move the relationship (or friendship or I-just-met-you connection) to the next step.
How do you know if someone is flirting with you or just being friendly? The line between flirty and friendly behavior can be quite blurry. After all, compliments or witty banter can play on both sides, making differentiating between the two difficult.
While you’ll still need to decipher the other person’s potential romantic (or not romantic) signals on your own, there are two things to keep in mind that can help you in the process: recognizing the signs of flirting and gauging their intent.
Get your flirting radar ready: to understand if someone is flirting with you, see if they exhibit any of the 10 signs of flirting, like making sustained eye contact, glancing at you continuously, or showing nervous body language.
It’s also important to interpret whether they’re flirting vs. friendly over text. For example, if they include flirty emojis and ask you to hang out, it’s probably a sign that they’re into you.
But remember that it’s always harder to decode possible romantic intentions behind written words, as you can’t see their body language or hear their tone of voice. If you’re unsure if the person you’re texting is flirting with you, it’s best to meet in person, where it will be easier to read the signs.
You could be a pro at interpreting the signs of flirting, but some people’s personalities and dating styles are seemingly more flirtatious than others. We use the word “seemingly” because oftentimes even if they’re not meaning to be flirty, their behaviors might be tagged as “being a flirt.” Just because someone is smiling at you, interested in conversing, or giving you a compliment doesn’t mean that they’re flirting. But if they show other signs of flirting, perhaps they’re trying to get your attention.
We don’t want to be the flirting-for-fun police, but just remember that it’s important to take note of your situation and the other person when you embark on flirtatious behavior.
Consider your desires and goals. Are you looking for a committed romantic partner? Do you want something hot and steamy to happen between you and this other person? Then, flirt with intent. For example, in the case of pursuing someone who you want to be in a relationship with, don’t play hard to get by flirting for fun and then not taking action when they reciprocate, as that could lead to confusion and hurt.
If you just want to have fun and don’t have any intention of moving things beyond a flirty interaction, do your thing! Just be aware of factors like if the other person is in a relationship, how your actions might be perceived, if they’re into you but you don’t feel the same way, and the setting.
As you can see, there is a lot at play with flirting for fun vs. flirting with intent. As with many things in the dating and romance world, navigating flirting requires a healthy dose of emotional and social awareness. To flirt respectfully and responsibly on your journey to find your person, pay attention to the things we’ve noted in this article—and most of all, trust your gut.
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