They say that age is just a number, but when you’re jumping back into the dating game after 40, it might not feel that way. Navigating modern dating can be daunting, especially when you’re a little rusty with romance. We’re here to help.
We’ve put together a guide to dating over 40, with helpful reminders to be confident and open, have fun, talk about the important stuff, examine the takeaways from past relationships, and so on. Read on for 8 tips about finding love no matter your age.
We’d wager that you’re more confident now than you were 20 years ago. That’s what time does—the more life you’ve lived, the more you know yourself. But sometimes you lose a bit of that self-confidence after a relationship has gone awry or if you think it’s been too long since you’ve put yourself out there. Shut the door on that negative self-talk. Be happy with yourself before dating again, be proud of how far you’ve come, and remember that confidence is attractive.
But that also means being confident in your body. Maybe it moves a little slower these days or there are some challenges with physical intimacy. Bodies change, and that’s just life. Try to stay positive and remember that your body has carried you so far! Be open and honest with your partner about your insecurities; chances are that they have similar ones.
When you’re dating over 40, you might be inclined to think that you’re running out of time or that you need to make up for lost time. But this simply isn’t true. While you might want to put finding love on the fast track, remember that meeting someone who makes you happy, fits your needs, and shares your priorities and goals might not happen instantly.
Be patient. Stay in the present. Check in with yourself frequently, and take the time to really get to know someone.
Dating isn’t only fun when you’re in your 20s! Don’t let that spark burn out just because you’re older and wiser. Gen X dating doesn’t have to be limited to dinner and a movie (though, that’s a solid date night). Stay out late. Go in for the kiss. Head home with someone you’re interested in. Plan dates that you’re excited about or that challenge you—regardless of if “challenging” looks like skydiving for two or paint and wine night at your local bar.
This is a key dating tip no matter how old you are. Make sure that you get on the same page as whomever you’re dating. That means bringing up the important stuff. Here are some questions to ask yourself and eventually the person that you’re dating:
Aligning with your romantic interest is crucial for a successful dating experience. For example, see how they feel about casual dating vs. a serious relationship at this stage in their life. If you share the same priority, there will probably be fewer hardships down the road.
Chances are that you’ve developed a sense of independence in the time between relationships or before you’ve reentered the dating world. Don’t lose that! Perhaps you’ve been parenting alone, focusing on your career, or just living life as a party of one. No matter your situation, remember that you are whole on your own.
This doesn’t mean that partnering with someone isn’t a beautiful thing. But independence can boost your confidence and give you a better sense of self when you’re dating in your 40s. And that is also a beautiful thing.
As you jump or tiptoe back into dating after divorce or just after taking some time to focus on other things, it’s a good idea to reflect on your past relationships—both the good ones and the not-so-good ones. When did you feel your best? How did your past partners treat you, and how did that make you feel? Were there any red flags along the way? Are there any positive takeaways?
Thinking about these questions can help you navigate the different types of people that you’ll encounter as you date and be more aware of any red flags, deal breakers, chemistry, and so on.
It can also help you avoid repeating mistakes, negative behavior, or unhealthy patterns that you might have developed throughout certain relationships. Dating after 40 means that you have the life experience to be able to take stock of the good, bad, healthy, and unhealthy and focus on creating a positive dating experience.
Don’t let your age or life stage get in the way of finding love. Dating over 40, and dating others who are over 40, often means that you’re juggling a lot. From kids to your career to maintaining your home, there are probably countless things that you’re thinking about constantly. Instead of letting daily life keep you from starting to date again, try to find a healthy balance and consider dating someone who is in a similar life stage.
Accept that scheduling conflicts will probably occur and that fitting each other into your busy lives might be challenging. Take it one day, one week, one month at a time, and remember that there are other things that might take priority. Give yourself grace in the dating process, and extend that grace and understanding to whomever you’re dating.
To save time and energy, it’s helpful to use a matchmaking service. Dating apps require a lot of effort and time, with swiping, messaging, and so on. Tawkify matchmakers do most of the hard work for you, like background checks and ensuring compatibility, and even provide fully planned dates! What does that mean for you? Less time searching for that special someone and more time getting to know them.
Being open to different types of people and experiences is helpful when you’re dating over 40. You might have a preconceived idea of your “perfect” person; perhaps you think they should be the opposite of your last partner or exactly the same. But you might be surprised by who fits you at this point in your life—their personality and lifestyle might not be what you would’ve pictured for yourself.
But being open isn’t limited to personality types or dating experiences. Apply it to your location, too. Dating long-distance isn’t easy, and it’s definitely not easy when you’re dating after 40 and likely have other things and people needing your attention. But expanding your geographic search beyond your zip code can help you meet more people that you wouldn’t have otherwise. You never know if you’ll meet someone who is willing to relocate, or if you’ll eventually be open to moving yourself.
We’re here to tell you that love can be found at any age. You just have to be willing to look for it. Dating over 40 might not look the same as it did 10 years ago, but with our guide, you can navigate the dating world with confidence and ease.
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