Dating as a Woman in Your 30s, 40s, and 50s
As a woman who has dated in my 30’s, 40’s, and now 50’s, I assure you dating is different as you age. Your wants, needs, and desires are ever evolving so how to find your person does too. Whether you’re single again after a breakup, still looking for your husband, or just re-entering the dating scene after a divorce, each decade brings new challenges and requires updated dating skills.
At any age, feeling empowered and acting with intention is both smart and attractive. Below I shared some tips and insights to help you navigate finding a good man with confidence.
Dating in Your 30’s
The world is yours to conquer when you’re in your 30’s. Your career is likely on track by now, you’re making more money, and you need to be intentional about your goals. Now is about the time that everyone starts asking why’re you’re not married yet; because it gets harder as you get older. You need to be smart about who you choose as partner, so you won’t need to date later in life. Do not waste any time dating anyone who you can’t see a future with. Or if the guy you’re crazy about isn’t committing to walk down the aisle with you, then you need to move on so you can find someone who will.
A great first date question is, “What’s your 5-year plan?” Commonality of ethics, values, and goals is how you make a relationship last. It’s great if you both like to ski, but that’s not as important as whether you both want to become parents in the next few years — or not. If you know you don’t want kids, you should not allow yourself to fall for a guy who does.
Additionally, I know your career is important to you; but you need to prioritize a healthy work / life balance. Take it from a 50 something year old girl who’s never been married. I destroyed some great relationships because I was more focused on my career. Don’t make that mistake.
If you want to become a mom, then I highly recommend freezing your eggs if you’re able. The younger you do that, the better. As a matchmaker, I talk to a lot of men who want children, and they are not flexible about wanting a woman still young enough to conceive. Unless there is an insurance policy. Thankfully freezing your eggs is now covered by some insurance and the success rate is higher than it was when I was 30 something. It truly is worth doing to lower your anxiety level around starting a family. The proverbial ticking clock is a turn-off for most men.
Dating in Your 40’s
If you’re still single at 40, you need to alter what you want in a partner. I always wanted a guy who hadn’t been married yet. I wanted to experience getting married and starting a family with a guy who hadn’t already done that. But what I found was that the men who hadn’t made that commitment yet, couldn’t. They had commitment issues. Or they wanted a younger girl to start a family with. Conversely, a guy who is divorced is not only capable of making a commitment, he has also learned a lot about himself and what he needs. If he already has a kid, even if he wants more, he won’t feel as much pressure to become a dad, so your age won’t be a big issue.
If you’re re-entering the dating scene after a divorce, it’s different now. Dating apps are the main source of making connections. However, networking and being social is a better option for multiple reasons. You need to make new single friends. You probably have already noticed your married friends seem distant now. You will commonly be perceived as a treat to their marriage, and they’re not as likely to want to go out as much as you. Look for social events and clubs in your area that interest you. Try a wine club, volunteer, foster a dog, join a sport or running club. It’s a great way to find like-minded people.
Dating in Your 50’s
The best part of dating in your 50s is that you’re not looking to build a life, you’re looking to merge your lives. By the time you reach 50, it’s assumed you have your life together, but that’s not always true with relationships. Far too many coaching clients have shared with me that they knew on their wedding day that they were making the biggest mistake of their life, but they didn’t know how to stop it. Finding true love for the first time frequently comes after divorce. Don’t rule out a great guy because of a past that he can’t change. Be flexible about whether your match has children or not.
Both men and women have told me they need another parent to understand what they’ve been through, but someone who never had kids doesn’t have as complicated of a schedule to coordinate with yours. They may have wanted a family of their own and will warmly welcome your family. Additionally, you won’t have to worry about your kids getting along with their kids. In your 40’s and 50’s many relationships fail because the kids behavior is causing problems.
An absolute requirement of dating in your 50s is to get or stay fit. As a matchmaker the number one thing men of all ages say is that they want a woman who is fit. Sometimes they also mean thin, but primarily you need to be able to keep up and do things without getting tired and needing to rest. They want someone who is healthy, takes care of themselves, and lives an active lifestyle.
Men are very visual. Even when they look at the woman they’re in love with, it’s still the visual cortex of their brain that lights up. So, while you are aging gracefully, just make sure you don’t let yourself go. Most men don’t want somebody who has lots of fillers, they prefer a more natural look. Laser treatments and retinal are better options in your 50s.
At this age if you’re starting over, you want it to be for the last time. You want to find your forever person. Youth is no longer on your side, so your biological age needs to be younger than your actual age. That’s the variable you can control. It will also help you live longer.
Dating Tips for Any Age
Regardless of your age, the most important behavior while dating is to stay true to yourself. Yes, you do need to compromise, but not so much that you lose yourself. The best partners are like-minded and have similar lifestyles, and you absolutely have the same goals. Be clear about your expectations and define your boundaries. Open communication and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to share your desires is how you create emotional intimacy.
How Tawkify Can Help (At Any Age)
Tawkify offers a unique matchmaking experience tailored to suit individuals at any age. Whether you’re in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond, Tawkify’s personalized approach to matchmaking considers your life stage, preferences, and experiences to find compatible matches.
At Tawkify, you’re hiring a professional matchmaker, supported by a team of professionals, to help balance what’s in your mind and heart, and help you find real compatible matches, vetted by humans (not an algorithm). Remember, being open and maintaining an open mind when working with a matchmaker is invaluable.
With a focus on quality introductions and deep compatibility, Tawkify provides a curated dating journey, making it an ideal solution for those seeking meaningful relationships in any decade of their life.
