When you’re online dating, you quickly find that not every message you send gets a response. Sure, sometimes your message might get lost in the mix, or someone forgets to reply, but if you’re routinely finding your messages are going unreplied, it might be time to change how you write your first messages on the dating apps.
There are a lot of reasons why you’re not getting the kind of response rate you want. For example, if you’re just sending a “hello” with no follow-up or a simple “hey, what’s up?” then you’ll want to focus on crafting more engaging messages for dating sites. After all, the online dating messages that get responses are the ones that are interesting, creative, and compelling.
To help you increase your chances of getting a response, we’ve gathered a list of the perfect first message online dating examples. Whether you want to send something serious, laid-back, flirty, thought-provoking, or playful, our examples will help inspire your first messages on the dating apps!
But before exploring our examples, check out some of our top tips for writing messages on dating sites:
When it comes to writing messages for dating sites, it helps to find something you and your match have in common. Whether you have the same taste in music or share the same hobbies, talking about these similarities is a great way to break the ice and kick off the conversation. Check out these examples to help you find some common ground:
“Hi Rebecca, that’s a cute dog in your profile pic! Is that your golden retriever? I have a three-year-old golden named Roxy!”
“Hi Lucy, it sounds like you’re a fellow Red Hot Chili Peppers fan—I saw them in concert last month! What’s your favorite song of theirs?”
“Hey Matt, I see you’re a guitarist. I play bass—we should jam sometime!”
“Heya June, it appears we’re both Hokies! I’m an engineering major. What did you major in at Virginia Tech?”
“Hi Mike, by the looks of it, you’re as crazy about hiking as I am! Have you ever hiked the Lost Coast Trail? It’s my all-time favorite hike.”
If you’re looking to craft online dating messages that get responses, it helps to do some research. Review their dating profile and see if anything jumps out at you that you could use as a conversation starter. For example, maybe they have a photo of them doing an extreme sport, or they reference a recent trip to Spain. Mentioning these tidbits in your first message is a great way to show you’ve put some effort in:
“Hi Jake, I can see you love your Chicago sports teams, but the real question is are you a Cubs or White Sox fan?”
“Hey, Justine, it looks like you’re the ultimate San Diego foodie. Where’s your favorite place for burgers in town?”
“Hi Nico, I think it’s neat that you’re into traveling. What’s your most epic travel story?”
“Hiya Gretchen, you seem to really love superhero films. Are you team DC or Marvel?”
“Hey, Drew, your passion for art is inspiring! Are there any art galleries you recommend in San Fran?”
Instead of sending a generic “hi, how are you” message, consider including an engaging question that will open the floor for discussion. When doing so, try to avoid polarizing topics or questions that could ruffle feathers. Review these perfect first message online dating examples for inspiration:
“Heya Josh, in the film “When Harry Met Sally,” Billy Crystal tells Meg Ryan that men and women can’t be friends. What’s your take on that?”
“Hannah, all is fair in love and war. What do you think about that? True or false?”
“Rich, I love reading, so I’m curious, what book has had the most significant impact on your life?”
“Caitlin, it looks like you have a lot of great qualities. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?”
“Hiya Mark, what’s your ideal Sunday look like? Brunch and mimosas or yoga and a hike?”
Who doesn’t love a compliment? Including a genuine compliment in your first message on a dating app is a great way to flatter them and get their attention. That said, make sure you’re respectful, and don’t say anything you wouldn’t want someone else reading! Consider some of these examples when complimenting your match:
“Hello Nick, I think it’s super cool that you’re into windsurfing. I’d love to hear more about it!”
“Hi Nancy, congrats on getting your master’s degree! That’s a huge accomplishment. What did you study?”
“Hey, Lisa, I’m loving your leather motorcycle jacket in your profile pic! It looks really rad. Do you ride motorcycles?”
“Hi Leo, that’s so cool that you recently ran in the NYC Marathon! How was that experience?”
When writing messages for dating sites, you want to stand out from the rest. Perhaps the best way to do that is to be yourself! Maybe you’re a jokester and have a great sense of humor, or a musician who loves talking shop. Whatever it is, try to insert your personality into your messages to help set yourself apart from the pack.
“Jules, it seems you enjoy Star Wars as much as me, and I can’t help but say, you R2 beautiful!”
“Hi Josh, I see you’re into salsa dancing. I’m an avid swing dancer. I think this calls for a dance- off!”
“Hola, Marci! También estoy estudiando. Would love to practice the language with you sometime.”
“Hi Liz, my dog Spot and I would like to know if you and your dog Jazz would like to go on a walk sometime.”
As you can tell, online dating can require a lot of time and effort, and it can be frustrating when you don’t get responses even after sending the perfect first message. If you’re looking for a more viable dating option, consider working with a professional matchmaker, who will look for matches based on your preferences, screen potential candidates, and help you find your person.
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